The Beginning

Has there ever been a moment in your life when you can't believe your eyes? Well that's what happened to me today. Brian was off at work (at a Haitian funeral to be exact) and I was going to sleep in. But I couldn't. I knew it was the moment of truth, time for that magic eight ball called EPT to tell me my fate. The directions said to wait 5 minutes, but no waiting was necessary. There it was, that second line. I could not believe my eyes. A seed had been planted. With the stick shaking in my hand I contemplated, what next? Brian was not home, nor did he even know I was going to take this test. Poor bugger is in for a real surprise. I take a picture of the test and send it to Kim. I'll wait until she checks her phone and she'll call me freaking out! Ya right, no sooner did I send the picture to her I dialed her number praying she would answer. She answered and the convo went something like this:

Her: Hello

Me: Hello (with a shakiness to my voice)

Her: are you pregnant

Me: Yes!!! Can you believe it...there were two freaking (I think I used another word here) lines.

Her: I knew it!

Before you think Kim is Miss Cleo or part of the Friends Psychic network you must know I was confiding in her about every little thing happening that month. Kim had been telling me for a couple days I was pregnant. I didn't believe her. Kim has been very fortunate in the fertility department but I did not think that would be the case for me. Sure I was crying to Annie's It's a Hard Knock life two days before and I put my underwear on the wrong way and did not notice until mid afternoon. But I just thought I was having a rough week. I never thought this would happen to me in a million years. Don't ask me why, I just didn't.

So I hung up the phone with Kim and called Brian to see when he'd be home. Turns out he was in the driveway. He came in the house and his phone rang. It was his BFF, Ralph. I could not stand the suspense so I told him to get off the phone because I needed to talk to him. I pulled him into our bedroom and showed him the stick. The convo went a little something like this:

Me holding up the stick

Brian: what is that

Me: what do you think it is

Brian: (after staring at it for a good minute) are you serious?

Me: ummm, yes I'm serious?

Brian: go pee on another one.

Me: i can't right this second.

Brian: when can you?

Me: maybe tomorrow, but it's probably going to be the same result

Brian: i hope it's a boy!

And that was it. I had these grandiose ideas of getting him a card or doing something special for him but I was so shocked and nervous that there was no way that was happening. But regardless of the way I broke the news, we relished in our little happy moment. I don't think either of us stopped smiling the whole day. We still haven't.

My whole life I've always known I was going to be a mother. I've never doubted my abilities and knew I would be an awesome mom (if I do say so myself - toot toot!) But the fear of carrying a child in my belly and then getting the said child out of my belly 9 months later scared scares the ever loving bejesus out of me. Some people have been very patient while I worked through these fears and others, who shall remain nameless, have not. I also think that people assumed that because Brian and I have been married close to 5 year that we were having "problems." I was perfectly content playing with nieces and nephews and doting on Shelby and Reid. I knew I had time and there was no rush.

But there's no turning back now. I pray with all my heart and soul that this baby will be okay. I know this baby will be loved by us, our family and our friends. It makes me teary eyed just thinking about it.